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12.14.2012

Babies :|

  I've decided to tackle the topic babies. Brace yourself, as this is a very sensitive topic. Most people think that babies are a blessing, and i totally agree with them. My only problem with babies is that they CRY alot. I meann CRY alot.
    God knows, their crying can make a man wish he was deaf. They can be a pain in the butt at times. Have you ever sat down on a porcupine before? If you have, then that's exactly the pain I feel when i hear babies cry. They cry for everything. They cry when they are hungry, sleepy, sad, angry, hurt. EVERY FUCKING TIME. sighh, i need to calm down. They aren't all that bad. Infact I love babiess. #shoutout to all the babies out there ^_^.
     Really, look at things from my point of view. Why do babies cry?  There is no excuse whatsoever. Oh yeah, i know they are babies and they can't talk, so that's the only way they can express themselves, buuuuut, how sure are we that they aren't really just very small people who pretend as if they can't talk? EXACTLY. You get my point.
     I have sooooo many friends that have babies as their siblings, nieces, nephews.....maybe even as their child. i mean, it is a messed up world we all live in :P. So i have come in contact with alot of babies, and let me tell you, some of them weren't pretty.
     One of these experiences was with my cousin. The little boy is so cute, all i wanted to do was carry him everyday of my life. Yeahhh,it was that bad :'). On this fateful day, I was at his house, and as usual, i wanted to carry me. I mean, when you say  a face that cute, you can't t help but fall in love. So i carried him like the awesome big cousin i am B), and rocked him to sleep. The only problem was that i was in an uncomfortable position and he was on my lap and i needed to stretch my legs. They felt so numb. I then placed him on the bed and went downstairs. Can you imagine? Lab Rats was on. God knows I LOVE THAT SHOW. I sat down on the chair. Mehnnnn, i was chilled. While into the show, i heard some noises coming from upstairs. I was like 'Who in their right mind would be disturbing me while i'm watching my favorite program .__.'.  I increased the volume. I wasn't standing up till this show was over. When it was finally over, i decided to take a quick nap, before going home. Everything was going perfectly well i thought.
       Well, the next thing i remember was being woken up by my aunty.
'koo, where is your cousin', she asked me.
'uhmm, upstairs sleeping', i said.
'okay, i hope you put him in the crib, so he won't fall down', she said. and i was like.....'Auntystandinginfrontofmesaywhaaaaa??' o______________o
'err.....', i turned around looking for answers. Mehnn, my life was hanging on a thin piece of thread.
My aunty quickly ran upstairs, and lo and behold my cousin was on the floor.
'KAOSI OOOO, what is my baby doing on the floor?', she asked screaming. I was like...i was like, mehnn do i really have to answer that? .__.
' I swear, i had kept him on the bed, maybe he felt like sleeping on the floor' >_>. Omgg koss, that's the greatest answer ever. -__-.
     I try as much as possible to stay away from babies. Being the clumsy, impatient, forgetful person i am, i'm quite suprised i haven't yet killed one......by accident of course. Don't get me wrong, i actually LOVE babies. :D. I just like them quiet and calm, maybe a little bit above the age of 3, trust me, we'll get along just fine.

  N

Why I Don't Misbehave When I'm Around New Aunts.

           Hello little munchkins. I'm about to tell you a little incident that occured during my childhood days.
           It seems like years ago when i was that innocent girl, with a love for all things edible. Nothing seems to have changed though. I'm still innocent and i still love food >_>.
           Anyways, It was the year 2003...or was it 2004? :S. I'll get back to that later. you see, my Uncle was getting married to this very nice woman. Very beautiful woman. She was an angel sent from above. My brother and I were always happy when she came to visit. She used to bring back toys and games for us. Most importantly, she always took us Mr Biggs. Back then, Mr. Biggs meat pie were the shii. So anytime she came over, it was always Mr. Biggs meat pie. No one dared touch my Mr. Biggs meat pie :|. They knew me very well, and what i was capable of. She always did nice things for all of us, especially me. Hayyy, she knew...if she come fuck up, nah to report uncle, and my uncle loved me. One negative thing from my mouth about her, and it was the friendzone straight up. ^_^. I was that evil.
          On that fateful day, my aunty took my brother and I to chocolate royal. God knows that once i heard the word CHOCOLATE, my eyes opened like that of an owl. When we got there, i became confused. So many things to choose from. So i let my brother go first. Imagine this boy. The only thing he could fish out from all those delicacies was 'one donut'...not even two oo, 'one'. I was like O____O. This boy no get sense at all.
Well me, i wasn't going to mess up. I picked one of everything, and i swear this woman bought everthing. I could see the look in her face as she paid the bill. haha to me, that was none of my buisness. I had a months worth of food with me. Mehnnn, i was stunting so hard. Infact i was moonwalking that night. Feeling like a G as i carried my goodies out of cholate royal. All eyes on me B).
        As i was in that car, smacking on this sexy chocolate cake,  i was like 'Mr.Biggs you don fall hand oo'. That yah meat pie is nothing compared to what I'm experiencing now. When we got home, i kept my goodies in the fridge. I made sure that the whole house knew that it was mine. i even threatened them. 'Anyone who touches my food, i will not talk to the person again'..ahh yess. My threats were deep (  . .).
        I went to bed, after brushing my teeth with my electronic toothbrush B). See me o, sleeping , minding my own buisiness. My mother wakes me up, and tells me to meet her in the parlor. I go to the parlor, and one of my mums sister is there. Chaiii. This particular one can gossip from east to west. Immediately i saw her, i knew i was in deep shit. As a smart guy, i put two and two together. My aunty must have told my mums sister about my behavior at chocolate royal, and my mums sister being an amebo told my mum, who decided that my dad must be told. when i got to the parlor, my dad called me by my full name 'kaosisochi', then he started ranting in igbo. being only 5, i couldn't understand shii. So i was just there, standing, and staring. My mum decided it was her turn to say something 'Chimoo, are you challenging your father?', i was flabbergasted. I didnt even say anything. I don't know what sent me to reply, 'No mummy', i said. My mum stood up 'Are you talking back at me?', she the twisted my ear 360 degrees. Hian, my ear was red. It was pounding sef. 'Don't we feed you well at home?' i knew better than to answer that. 'WHY DO YOU HAVE TO EMBARRASS US IN PUBLIC??' 'ARE WE THE ONLY PARENTS WITH 5 YEAR OLD DAUGHTERS??? EHN? EHNNN?' 'ANSWER ME THIS INSTANT. IRI INSI'. i respected myself and kept quite. only God knows how i eat popo My amebo aunty is sitting down, enjoying every bit of it. Evil womann. i swear she was the devil in disguise that night.  My mother then drags me to the wall, and that's were i stayed till me dad decided to go to be      
       Things i learnt from this experience.
1) Never let your uncles fiancee make friends with your amebo aunty It will only ruin your plans ):
2) You will eventually discover that Mr.Biggs meatpie is not tha shii.
3) yout dad only calls you by your full name when your in trouble
4) When you're in trouble with your dad, by all means make sure  your mum is nowhere near your dad, or else your asking for your death trip
5) Never ever answer your mum back. You are only asking for trouble.
6) Never Misbehave when with a new aunt. She is inexperience, and thinking it's joke, might blab to yah amebo aunt.

          ps: the year was 2003. told yah i'll get back to that, and i'm a man...woman of my word.